The Fault in Our Stars Review

So this past weekend I had the rare opportunity to enjoy two movies in one day. Early in the afternoon I enjoyed the new Seth Macfarlane western comedy "A Million Ways to Die in the West" with one of my bros. It was typical Macfarlane comedy funny but it could have been so much more and a tad bit shorter, but that's all besides the point. The main event of my evening was the new chick flick based on a book or some shit about cancer and junk. I honestly hadn't heard a thing about it all year until about a week before the films release when it seemed like everywhere I looked there was some advertisement talking about the film. So based on the hype and the fact that the chick in it was insanely hot for someone who has cancer I decided to see it. Even if that meant I had to see it by myself. So I bought a ticket for the latest showing and showed up a few minutes late and was the first one out of the cinema to avoid to the awkwardness of being a single man watching a chick flick by himself and by someone I knew.

The film follows the life of Hazel Grace (Shailene Woodley), a girl with cancer, who meets a good looking fella, named Augusta Waters (Ansel Elgot), at a cancer support group run by Mike Birbiglia.  The two obviously fall in love and the film follows there unique love story as they both discover that there's more to life than the cancer that's destroying there bodies. The film also has an outstanding supporting cast with Laura Dern aka hot legs from Jurassic Park playing Hazel's mother and even Williem DaFoe showing up as a drunk pissed off author.  Director Josh Boone's use of slick camera work and descent pacing kept me emotional involved and connected to the story. I'm not going to lie and say I love every second of this film but at no point was I every disconnected enough to completely loose interest in what was happening on screen.

Aside from being a single manly man in a cinema fully of giggly girls who laughed at ever single corny line in this picture I couldn't find a single legitimate fault with this movie, and believe me I was searching like a hawk for some reason to destroy this movie and rip it a new in this review. In fact it was actually one of the best movies that I've seen  to date this summer. In a summer full of films that are sequels, reboots, reboot sequels, and whatever the hell Godzilla was this film feels fresh and original.  The only flaws that I could find where the typically thinks that frustrates about chicks flicks like the fact that there are no explosions and all the silly romantic stuff. Underneath all this chick stuff however the film really has a deep and profound message about life, love, and how we choose to spend our time with the people we love. It's a film that unlike all the other films I've seen this summer has really stuck with me after I left the cinema. Unlike the other movies I've seen like the dreadfully boring Godzilla which I forgot all about mere hours after seeing. Another minor fault I could point out was how sexy these people are despite the fact that they have cancer. Hazel and Augusta have to be the sexiest cancer patients in the world!!! I completely understand it's a movie and I know I'm kind of nit picking here but come on no one looks that good with cancer. For a few brief moment I considered going out and getting cancer and a badass leather jacket so I could pick up equally hot girls at my cancer support group meeting.

The one thing I enjoyed most about this film was how the film showed the impact that cancer has on not just the two teenagers but how it affects their families and friends. I felt that the film did a very good job of showing the impact of cancer beyond the people that are actually afflicted by it. I liked the bitter sweet realism the film portraits as it walks a tight rope balancing humor,romance, and ultimately heartbreak.  The fact that the film doesn't have a happy Disney princess ending was also refreshingly pleasant. The film did an excellent job of stirring clear of to many overly familiar genre plot points  which kept me guessing and interested. Now I'm not an emotional person when it come to movies. I have never been driven to tear by a movie yet, but I must say at the end of the movie I did feel something....I'm not 100% sure what it was I felt I just know that the film left a deep impression on me. Something that I can't say for a lot of the film that I've seen recently. Honestly I can put this movie up there with "50/50", another great cancer related comedy.

I am a manly man who enjoys doing manly man things like playing football while chopping down trees with Swiss army knife while at the same time boxing full grown grizzly bears on an unstable bridge over an active volcano...while blindfolded and tied up....with chains. I still fully enjoyed this movie and it didn't cost me my man card either. Bros this is the perfect date movie that as a couple you can both fully enjoy, but be fore warned if you have an emotional girlfriend the end of this movie may have in tears. On my way out of the cinema I don't think I saw any women with dry eyes.

-A

300:Rise of an Empire Review

　　Finally after years of speculation whether or nah this film would even come into existence comes the much anticipated sequel to 2006's 300. Ok to be honest with you people I don't know how much people anticipated this film, but I'm going to assume it was a lot if the studio went ahead and green lit this sequel, But I must admit this film has one of the badass poster's I've seen all year. 300 ,a film that needs no introduction boasting hoards of frat brothers, body builders , fire fighters, and pretty much any man heterosexual male with a pulse as loyal fans to the first film. So when news of a sequel finally getting made came to my attention natural I wanted to drop what I was doing getting into a gym and work on my six pack before the film's release date so I wouldn't feel as self conscience as I did when I saw the first film. Like the first film this movie is based on a graphic novel by Frank Miller entitled "Xerxes",but would this film have the same gusto and shear man approved manlyness of the first film? Would there still be non stop balls to wall no holds bar mind numbing action involving sweaty  glistening chiseled men on a battle field? At some point are we going to see that pasty hot chicks tits? Will Zack Snyder be returning as director? 

　　The answer to most of these question is yes, except for Zack Snyder returning as director, instead he returns as producer.. Which makes sense because he's a busy guy these days with the filming of the Batman/ Superman movie to begin soon. Instead sitting in the directors chair is former commercial Noam Murro, who's last movie was "Smart People". Didn't see his last picture? Done worry I didn't see that shit either. The director of the film of the film isn't the only thing that's change, the focus of the film in no longer the on the crimson caped Spartans but rather on Themistocles and the naval battles of the Athenian navy, also they have pretty bitchin blue capes. Once again for some reason these guy also fight wars with out being weighted down with bullshit like shirts or pants...cause fighting wars with shirts or pants is for for pussies. So for all the ladies out there don't worry the shirtless slightly greased up bodies you loved from the first movie are still here. Speaking of missing Spartans we can't forget the most important Spartan and another big piece from the previous film missing if King Leonidas himself played by Gerard Butler, a man who really made the first film what it was by delivering some of the quoted movies line in recent film history. Instead the leading man in this film is Aussie Sullivan Stapleton (Themistocles) know for his role on the hit Cinemax/HBO show "Strike Back". His performance is good but he lacks the massive presence that Butler had. He's up staged by Eva Green's character Artemisia, who is the very definition of psycho crazy war lord bitch...if that's even something that would be defined in the dictionary? But that's besides the point, the bitch is bat shit crazy ,vindictive, a yet sexy as fuck. She chews up every bit of scenery in every single scene she's in, while her character was bat shit crazy I'd still hit, am I right? **Raises hand and looks around for high five***. The rest of the cast is filled out with a bunch of no name dumb asses and some dude who looks like Jesus and doesn't kill anyone despite him being in every battle scene. Oh and Rodrigo Santoro, who's Brazilian as fuck playing a guy who's Persian as fuck, also returns to this film. 

　　

The film is beautiful but hallow and synthetic at the same time, at points I forgot I was watch 300 Rise of an Empire and not an overpriced cologne commercial.While all the CGI is beautiful to look at the entire world that this film is taking place in is CG, very few things in this movie are organic, like the damn CG dust particles that float around in almost every scene. I felt that in certain parts of the film the CG definitely adds to story but for the most part it distracted me because all I could thing about was how absolutely inorganic everything in this world was. They even had a section of the film that featured a horrible attempt to make a CG Leonidas fight scene. When it comes to the naval battles they are not as cool as the land warfare of the first film but they are still pretty cool to look at. This when I realized that this film is chess whereas the first film was checkers. There was not a whole lot of strategy with the Spartans just show up and do a shit ton of ass kicking. The Athenians had to use skill and strategy to over come there enemies in a plan that doesn't involve every single soldier they have dieing in the process. I guess the argument can be made that even thought the Athenians aren't the uber badass Spartans who get there rocks off to war all the time, they are multifaceted people who care more about the preservation of there growing nation rather then just there city state. The Spartans can be at points viewed in a selfish light in this film when compared to the Athenians. The crowning jewel for all the teenage boys and grown men alike is the ridiculously intense testosterone fueled sex scene that literally comes out of no where..ha comes.

　　I was rather surprised at all the people who flat out hated this film and voice it as we were leaving the cinema. I talked to a group of frat boy looking ass white dude out side the cinema that said it straight up was "Garbage" and "shit". Now I'll be the first to say that it's definitely not as balls to wall cool action as the first film, but if it was judged as a stand alone film then I think it would be more well received because it wouldn't have to live up to epic-ness of the first film. I enjoyed it purely on a this shit is beautiful insanity. Even though both films are based on true life battles they are so filled with over the top story telling and ridiculous action scenes that it leaves the end view saying to themselves "what the fuck? Did it actually go down like that?" in fact this movie does a great job of showing us how bloody and gory filled actual battles were back then. I loved how it made me feel like I was actually in the battle. Now the movie did drag on and become boring and the end is a complete and total fuck you dumb ass to anyone who bought a ticket to this film. But I found the film enjoyable on a purely indulgent level and I would give the film a

C+

　　

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THE ALL NIGHTER!!!!

So it's a normal Tuesday and you're chilling in the dorm room kicking ass and taking names in whatever fps or sports game the kids are into these days when it hits you.......HOLY SHIT!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!! It's 9:45 at night and you just remembered that big project/paper/etc. that's worth 60% of your overall grade is due in 12 hours and you haven't even started on it. You my friend are in for an all nighter of Michael Bay sized proportions. (Insert hot chicks explosions and mildly racist robots)

Like most studious college students at the beginning of each semester you make a pact with yourself to stay on top of all your classes and avoid the dreaded life or death all nighter. Well for the first week of school your keep that personal pact until you realize man fuck this shit I want to party and tame some strange, I'll do all that studying shit later. Well later turns into eventually and then eventually turns into fuck my life I can't believe I forgot to do this  big project/paper/etc. until now. Now you must find away to finish this big project/paper/etc. if you hope to pass your class. I've been down this road a few times in my college career and have some tips to offer the brave soul who must undertake this task.

*Disclaimer I'm in no way shape or form a doctor or reliable study guru. I'm a bro with a blog who is sharing his own personal tips for making an all nighter your bitch. So don't get pissed at me if you get hurt or fail you class because of my advice.  At the end of the day you should've planned ahead dumbass.*

Okay first things first you need to find a fuel source for your after dark escapades. Most college students turn to the old reliable coffee. This is cool if you're a 75 retiree trying to enjoy a lovely Sunday morning with your spouse of 45 years. This drink is simple to bitch made for the task at hand.

5 hour Energy is a good choice
but be warned this chemical concoction of caffeine, b vitamins, and Dwayne Johnson sweat is extremely potent. Drinking more then one could result in the consumer gaining the ability to kick the sun and being rendered sterile. Also you could go in to cardiac arrest and totally like die and junk.  This would be amazing for you're room mate who would totally get a 4.0 for the semester off your death...but screw that guy he keeps you up late at night listening to Drake and he borrows all your shit and never gives it back in the same condition he got it.

The ol' trusty radioactive green soft drink Mountain Dew is also a viable option for the procrastinating college student with a lot of ass to kick between the AM and PM. Grab a few two liter and inject directly into your veins champ we have a lot of work to do.

The Adderall (Smart
Drugs) is an appealing alternative to all these bitch made caffeinated drinks. This drug is prescribed to people with ADHD and will give a Jedi like focus, but will sadly not make any actually Jedi. Be warned with great focus comes great consequences like the inability to sleep for up to 24 hours and over-thinking ones life, but the drug will give the undivided focus to finish whatever task you have for 12 to 24 hours. But keep in mind that this is a drug and is illegal to have in ones possession unless it's prescribed and overdosing has led to death and junk, so us at your own risk.

The next think to do is look at yourself in the mirror while you wait for your chosen study to fuel to kick in. Inspect your new chin hair to make sure it's still there.

Check on your sweet pump, uses your gym gains to inspire you to get these mental gains broski

*Optional do push ups and sit up to increased pumpness*

Now clear your desk and set out all your study materials 

*Optional do more push ups and sit up to increased pumpness*

 By now your study fuel should be coursing through your veins and your heart probably feels like it's going to explode out of your chest...this is how you know it's time to crack them books and get to work. But first you must assembly a playlist to match the epicness of your caffeine high. Try and pick song that range from an up tempo all out dubstep assault to your ears to down tempo loves songs like Band Will Make Her Dance. The length of you tasty jams playlist will vary depending on how much music you have in your collect.

Now you study like there's no tomorrow, no matter what you must finish what ever the hell it  is that your studying. Make no mistake about it this working that you are doing is rushed and half assessed but you got to finish it if you hope to pass that class and stay your procrastinating ass in college. At many points in the night you'll become discouraged and frustrated, when this happens watch a Ray Lewis motivation speech video or a montage from a Rocky film and you'll find a desire from deep within to finish the task at hand. Copy and paste are your friends and you will fake sources to fill out the bare minimum requirements, as long as you finish the damn thing and turn it in with at least C quality work you'll be fine champ.

As the sunlight comes peaking through your dorm room window a sense of accomplishment will fall over you. Throw on Wrecking Ball as you make your way to you bed for 15 minutes of sleep before you must attack the day and turn in your half assessed C quality big project/paper/etc.

To recover from this massive amount of stress you put on your body smoke some pot and go to sleep.

*Disclaimer smoking pot is stupid illegal in most parts of the world and is merely a  comical suggestion from this bro with a blog* 

Conjugal Visitation Day

Today is my dorm's open house, on this day we are allowed to have females in our rooms from 12-2, provided we follow a few rules. Our suite doors as well as our room doors must remain open at all times, also our "lady friend guests" must check in down in the lobby before they are allowed to come into our rooms. So basically our dorm has set up a conjugal visit for our good behavior. Warden I mean Dean would probably take our conjugal visits I mean open house away if we have a riot on the yard.

The school must assume it's going to be an all out fuck fest on open house days, but in all actuality nothing really happens. Now I'm not going to say that some people don't get their freak on, but for the most part nothing really happens.Honestly all that really happen is your "lady friend guest" comes to your room sits on your bed and watches you and your friends play 2K and listen to the Action Bronson mixtape. Basically on this day from 12-2 I get experience what real college is, In real college they don't give two shits and fuck who I have in my dorm room.  But at 2:01 I'm quickly snapped back to the bleak reality that I'm not in real college....I'm at the boring, old fashion, close minded institution of high learning known as Oakwood University, a school who's mind set for the most part is stuck in the 1950's... Bullocks.

Give A Fuck Day

I hereby decree with all the power vested in me that March 14th in the year of our lord 2013 shall hence fourth be remember as the first give a fuck day. On this day people are obligated to give a fuck about thinks they normally would give a fuck about. If you don't give a fuck about going to your 8 AM math class you must now give a fuck and show up to that class.

 This day shall be a day of remembrance for the one and only fuck Mike has ever given in his life. A fuck that was passed on to him genetically from birth and he had saved for 21 long years. Last night at my request  he gave the only fuck he could ever give, his one and only fuck. It is in the memory of this one singular  fuck that was given that we honor it by giving a fuck today. So today give a fuck about school, give a fuck about work, give a fuck about life, give a fuck about Twilight, look like you give a fuck , act like you give a fuck, and for some of you over achievers out there you can 2 fucks or even a flying fuck about something you would normally never give a fuck about. By giving a fuck today we can properly honor the memory of Mike's only given fuck, so please do your part by giving not a quater of a half or a half a fuck but a full fuck today.

Oz the Great and The Powerful Review

Last Night I had the opportunity to go out to the cinema and enjoy a film, an opportunity  that i'm rarely given to do while I live in the dorms at my school. I also got to the enjoy the company of my brother and his team ( group of friends he hangs out with). Also I wouldn't be a true Kansan if I did go see the prequel of the movie that put my state on the cinematic map. So we decided to go to the Hollywood 18 cinema, and I decided to fully engross myself in the film so I choose to see the film in 3D.

The movie opens up in 1905 Kansas at a little shitty carnival  where our main character Oz ( James Franco) is swooning some young unsuspecting young stupid country girls to be in his magic act by giving her a music box. He claims that the music box belonged to his now deceased grandmother, who was killed in a battle in a war he makes up. He quickly gain the girl's trust, confidence and heart after telling this lie. Which to be fair most women in Kansas are kinda slow and will believe any lie a traveling man tells them. Trust me, take it from a true Kansan who grew up with a lot of those simple minded women. Okay not all the women are that slow, but I would have to say about 75% of them are. Any way back to this damn review.

Oz's assistant, who he constantly treats like complete shit, Frank ( Zack Braff) comes in and interrupts any intimate moment Oz is trying to have with this simple minded chick. This is the scene where we really see that Oz is no more then a douche bag con man. After that we get to see this grand magic show that Oz is doing, only problem is his grand show turn out to be a shitty half bit act done in a cramped tent. After doing some pretty simple tricks by today's magic standards that amazes the shit out of the audience and a  small girl in a wheel chair (Joey King) ask him if he can make her walk again. When this happen I was like holy shit little girl you can't randomly ask a scum bag magician for that....he's not the lord for Christ Sake. But what really made it sad was when her parents tried to pay this man to do it. Now I know Kansans have a reputation for being slow witted farming folks but god damn movie they aren't that simple. Thankful Oz turns down there offer, but  still the scene had me a little choked up.

Oz come back to his trailer wagon thing to found an old girl friend to be waiting outside wanting to talk to him. It's clear from the way Oz acts that she means a little more to him them any of the other random girls in Kansas. Only she's not here for a booty call she's there to tell Oz's she about to get married to some random fuck that we never see. Oz is clearly kinda heart broken, but still wishes her well. They are both surprised to hear the carnival's very strong, very belligerent strong man outside tearing shit up with a music box in his hand pissed at Oz's for fucking his bitch. That sequecne brought to mind the song Marble Floors.

So now Oz has to haul ass out of there before he gets his ass kicked by this pissed strong man and a random ass clown. Quickly he runs to his balloon where his assistants throw him his hat and bag as he makes his grand escape. Now the only problem with his grand escape is the tornado that appears out of no where and swallows up his balloon. After this the movie gets crazy as fuck, when the balloon emerges from the tornado he ends up in the land of Oz.

When Oz arrives in Oz the aspect ratio of the screen changes and the color changes from black and white to color. He crash lands in a lake where he meets a witch named Theodora (Mila Kunis) who saw his balloon fall out the sky. She tells him this riduclurly specific prophecy that says some asshole will fall from the sky and save her people. The prophecy's so damn specific that it said the prick who falls from sky the would be from Kansas. This prophecy was basically a giant fuck you to the sorry ass Mayan prophecy.  Theodora brings him to meet her sister Evanora (Rachel Weisz) to show her that the prophecy has come true. Evanora is skeptical of him being the great wizard of the prophecy and say that if he want to be king of Oz he has to kill the wicked witch. So being the greed con man Oz is he accepts her challenge.  After this we are later introduced to there other sister and fellow witch Glinda (Michelle Williams), and we see if this con man can become the savior alll of Oz needs him to be.

**************************** SPOILER ALERT***************************************



I can't say that I was super amped to see this movie because I don't like how the world of Oz is all cgi, that's one of the main reasons that I did go see Alice In Wonderland. But even thought i'm not a huge fan of the overly cgi world it's still really beautiful to look at, also seeing it in 3D made me feel closer to the story. I love how the 3D was use more as a tool than a gimmick to get more money from people at the box office. Also I thought it was awesome that all three of the witches were all outrageously hot. Even when later in the movie we find out that Theodora become the wicked witch of the west, she still look lowkey good. Oh and the reason for her becoming the bad witch is because she falls for Oz and she gets emotional hurt by this dude. So Evanoroa who is also a wicked witch gives her an apple that basically gets rid of her heart and her ability to love. The only problem is that she still a pretty hot looking witch, also after eating a magic apple Evanora gives her she random starts stripping... seriously, she doesn't get naked but she just start ripping off her clothes. I think it's funny that this movie tried to make Mila Kunis ugly like she character Meg on Family Guy. So now she's basically becomes a bitter chick who got her heart broke by any asshole. I kinda love how Oz is portrayed early on in the film as a womanizer giving us Kansas men a few cool points.

The beginning and middle of the film is kind of slow but the story picks up in the end and finishes
with a strong ending. I liked the China Girl character ( Joey King), but she's by far got the saddest back story and it had me choked up. Zach Braff also shows up again as the winged monkey (Finely) even thought I think he looks more like the wicked witch of the west. I really can't stand Oz as a character in the beginning, I found him to be such an unbearable prick, but the character does change into a better person throughout the film. The cast was pretty good and I felt that James Franco does a good job of carrying the movie, even if he does look stoned as fuck in most of his scenes. Sam Rami was a pretty good choice to direct this, and his style of film-making really shows through. Oh yeah did I forget to mention that all the witch are bad witches too. Haha see what I did there...Instead of saying bad bitches I said bad witches.

This movie is only Man Approved for the dad taking his kids out to see a flick and being pleasantly surprised to see a move full of smoking hot witches. Outside of that i can't really recommend going to see in cinemas unless you really got a hard on for The Wizard of Oz, or a die hard Sam Rami fan. Outside of that group you can pretty much wait for it to come out on Blu Ray a watch it at home.

C+

Obeezy's Man Approved April 2013 Movie Guide

April 5th

Jurassic Park 3D 

The first film that I'm going to run out and see like 45 times is the Imax 3D re release of Jurassic Park. It's been a legit 20 years since the film was last in cinemas and fans of the franchise now have the chance to re live the magic of Jurassic Park once again.  "Hold on to your butts".

The Company You Keep

This is the new Robert Redford film featuring an all star cast of  talented veteran actors....oh yeah and Shia LaBeouf is in it too. The movie looks pretty interesting but depending on where you are in the country you might not get to see it in cinemas, because of the films limited release. I'm not in a super rush to go see it but if the chance arises for me to take in this film I might indulge myself and go see it, BUT NOT BEFORE JURASSIC PARK!!!!!!

 

April 19

Oblivion

This film might be my sleeper hit of the Spring. I remember seeing the first trailer for the film and not really being interested, I thought to myself "oh great another Tom Cruise movie, whats this 50 year old  midget going to be running from this time?" Then I did some research on the film and found out that Joseph Kosinski (Tron Legacy) would be directing and Claudio Miranda (Tron Legacy, Life of Pi) would be providing the cinematography fresh off his Oscar win for :Life of Pi. Then I got my mind blown when I found out M83 would step into the role Daft Punk did on Tron Legacy and provide the music for the film. When you mix all those ingredients together and bake for 25 minutes at 325 degrees you have the possible makings of a next level game changing man approved movie.

April 26

Pain & Gain

Pain & Gain, the new Michael Bay movie featuring Mark Walhberg, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, and Anthony Mackie as body builders turned criminals, with Miami as the backdrop for the film.  I've been hyped to see this film for many reason one of which being that I'm  tired of see Michael Bay blow shit up in the Transformers franchise .. I want to see him blow shit up in more original movies too. This movie also has a pretty small budget for a Michael Bay film of a around $25 million, making it the cheapest Michael Bay film since Bad Boy which a had a budget of around $18 million. This low budget might actually be a good thing, instead of a movie driven by explosions and CGI effects we should expect to see a more character and story driven film from Mr. Bay....but I really wouldn't hold my breathe hoping for that.