Today is my dorm's open house, on this day we are allowed to have females in our rooms from 12-2, provided we follow a few rules. Our suite doors as well as our room doors must remain open at all times, also our "lady friend guests" must check in down in the lobby before they are allowed to come into our rooms. So basically our dorm has set up a conjugal visit for our good behavior. Warden I mean Dean would probably take our conjugal visits I mean open house away if we have a riot on the yard.
The school must assume it's going to be an all out fuck fest on open house days, but in all actuality nothing really happens. Now I'm not going to say that some people don't get their freak on, but for the most part nothing really happens.Honestly all that really happen is your "lady friend guest" comes to your room sits on your bed and watches you and your friends play 2K and listen to the Action Bronson mixtape. Basically on this day from 12-2 I get experience what real college is, In real college they don't give two shits and fuck who I have in my dorm room. But at 2:01 I'm quickly snapped back to the bleak reality that I'm not in real college....I'm at the boring, old fashion, close minded institution of high learning known as Oakwood University, a school who's mind set for the most part is stuck in the 1950's... Bullocks.
I hereby decree with all the power vested in me that March 14th in the year of our lord 2013 shall hence fourth be remember as the first give a fuck day. On this day people are obligated to give a fuck about thinks they normally would give a fuck about. If you don't give a fuck about going to your 8 AM math class you must now give a fuck and show up to that class.
This day shall be a day of remembrance for the one and only fuck Mike has ever given in his life. A fuck that was passed on to him genetically from birth and he had saved for 21 long years. Last night at my request he gave the only fuck he could ever give, his one and only fuck. It is in the memory of this one singular fuck that was given that we honor it by giving a fuck today. So today give a fuck about school, give a fuck about work, give a fuck about life, give a fuck about Twilight, look like you give a fuck , act like you give a fuck, and for some of you over achievers out there you can 2 fucks or even a flying fuck about something you would normally never give a fuck about. By giving a fuck today we can properly honor the memory of Mike's only given fuck, so please do your part by giving not a quater of a half or a half a fuck but a full fuck today.
Last Night I had the opportunity to go out to the cinema and enjoy a film, an opportunity that i'm rarely given to do while I live in the dorms at my school. I also got to the enjoy the company of my brother and his team ( group of friends he hangs out with). Also I wouldn't be a true Kansan if I did go see the prequel of the movie that put my state on the cinematic map. So we decided to go to the Hollywood 18 cinema, and I decided to fully engross myself in the film so I choose to see the film in 3D.
The movie opens up in 1905 Kansas at a little shitty carnival where our main character Oz ( James Franco) is swooning some young unsuspecting young stupid country girls to be in his magic act by giving her a music box. He claims that the music box belonged to his now deceased grandmother, who was killed in a battle in a war he makes up. He quickly gain the girl's trust, confidence and heart after telling this lie. Which to be fair most women in Kansas are kinda slow and will believe any lie a traveling man tells them. Trust me, take it from a true Kansan who grew up with a lot of those simple minded women. Okay not all the women are that slow, but I would have to say about 75% of them are. Any way back to this damn review.
Oz's assistant, who he constantly treats like complete shit, Frank ( Zack Braff) comes in and interrupts any intimate moment Oz is trying to have with this simple minded chick. This is the scene where we really see that Oz is no more then a douche bag con man. After that we get to see this grand magic show that Oz is doing, only problem is his grand show turn out to be a shitty half bit act done in a cramped tent. After doing some pretty simple tricks by today's magic standards that amazes the shit out of the audience and a small girl in a wheel chair (Joey King) ask him if he can make her walk again. When this happen I was like holy shit little girl you can't randomly ask a scum bag magician for that....he's not the lord for Christ Sake. But what really made it sad was when her parents tried to pay this man to do it. Now I know Kansans have a reputation for being slow witted farming folks but god damn movie they aren't that simple. Thankful Oz turns down there offer, but still the scene had me a little choked up.
Oz come back to his trailer wagon thing to found an old girl friend to be waiting outside wanting to talk to him. It's clear from the way Oz acts that she means a little more to him them any of the other random girls in Kansas. Only she's not here for a booty call she's there to tell Oz's she about to get married to some random fuck that we never see. Oz is clearly kinda heart broken, but still wishes her well. They are both surprised to hear the carnival's very strong, very belligerent strong man outside tearing shit up with a music box in his hand pissed at Oz's for fucking his bitch. That sequecne brought to mind the song Marble Floors.
So now Oz has to haul ass out of there before he gets his ass kicked by this pissed strong man and a random ass clown. Quickly he runs to his balloon where his assistants throw him his hat and bag as he makes his grand escape. Now the only problem with his grand escape is the tornado that appears out of no where and swallows up his balloon. After this the movie gets crazy as fuck, when the balloon emerges from the tornado he ends up in the land of Oz.
When Oz arrives in Oz the aspect ratio of the screen changes and the color changes from black and white to color. He crash lands in a lake where he meets a witch named Theodora (Mila Kunis) who saw his balloon fall out the sky. She tells him this riduclurly specific prophecy that says some asshole will fall from the sky and save her people. The prophecy's so damn specific that it said the prick who falls from sky the would be from Kansas. This prophecy was basically a giant fuck you to the sorry ass Mayan prophecy. Theodora brings him to meet her sister Evanora (Rachel Weisz) to show her that the prophecy has come true. Evanora is skeptical of him being the great wizard of the prophecy and say that if he want to be king of Oz he has to kill the wicked witch. So being the greed con man Oz is he accepts her challenge. After this we are later introduced to there other sister and fellow witch Glinda (Michelle Williams), and we see if this con man can become the savior alll of Oz needs him to be.
I can't say that I was super amped to see this movie because I don't like how the world of Oz is all cgi, that's one of the main reasons that I did go see Alice In Wonderland. But even thought i'm not a huge fan of the overly cgi world it's still really beautiful to look at, also seeing it in 3D made me feel closer to the story. I love how the 3D was use more as a tool than a gimmick to get more money from people at the box office. Also I thought it was awesome that all three of the witches were all outrageously hot. Even when later in the movie we find out that Theodora become the wicked witch of the west, she still look lowkey good. Oh and the reason for her becoming the bad witch is because she falls for Oz and she gets emotional hurt by this dude. So Evanoroa who is also a wicked witch gives her an apple that basically gets rid of her heart and her ability to love. The only problem is that she still a pretty hot looking witch, also after eating a magic apple Evanora gives her she random starts stripping... seriously, she doesn't get naked but she just start ripping off her clothes. I think it's funny that this movie tried to make Mila Kunis ugly like she character Meg on Family Guy. So now she's basically becomes a bitter chick who got her heart broke by any asshole. I kinda love how Oz is portrayed early on in the film as a womanizer giving us Kansas men a few cool points.
The beginning and middle of the film is kind of slow but the story picks up in the end and finishes
with a strong ending. I liked the China Girl character ( Joey King), but she's by far got the saddest back story and it had me choked up. Zach Braff also shows up again as the winged monkey (Finely) even thought I think he looks more like the wicked witch of the west. I really can't stand Oz as a character in the beginning, I found him to be such an unbearable prick, but the character does change into a better person throughout the film. The cast was pretty good and I felt that James Franco does a good job of carrying the movie, even if he does look stoned as fuck in most of his scenes. Sam Rami was a pretty good choice to direct this, and his style of film-making really shows through. Oh yeah did I forget to mention that all the witch are bad witches too. Haha see what I did there...Instead of saying bad bitches I said bad witches.
This movie is only Man Approved for the dad taking his kids out to see a flick and being pleasantly surprised to see a move full of smoking hot witches. Outside of that i can't really recommend going to see in cinemas unless you really got a hard on for The Wizard of Oz, or a die hard Sam Rami fan. Outside of that group you can pretty much wait for it to come out on Blu Ray a watch it at home.
The first film that I'm going to run out and see like 45 times is the Imax 3D re release of Jurassic Park. It's been a legit 20 years since the film was last in cinemas and fans of the franchise now have the chance to re live the magic of Jurassic Park once again. "Hold on to your butts".
The Company You Keep
This is the new Robert Redford film featuring an all star cast of talented veteran actors....oh yeah and Shia LaBeouf is in it too. The movie looks pretty interesting but depending on where you are in the country you might not get to see it in cinemas, because of the films limited release. I'm not in a super rush to go see it but if the chance arises for me to take in this film I might indulge myself and go see it, BUT NOT BEFORE JURASSIC PARK!!!!!!
April 19
Oblivion
This film might be my sleeper hit of the Spring. I remember seeing the first trailer for the film and not really being interested, I thought to myself "oh great another Tom Cruise movie, whats this 50 year old midget going to be running from this time?" Then I did some research on the film and found out that Joseph Kosinski (Tron Legacy) would be directing and Claudio Miranda (Tron Legacy, Life of Pi) would be providing the cinematography fresh off his Oscar win for :Life of Pi. Then I got my mind blown when I found out M83 would step into the role Daft Punk did on Tron Legacy and provide the music for the film. When you mix all those ingredients together and bake for 25 minutes at 325 degrees you have the possible makings of a next level game changing man approved movie.
April 26
Pain & Gain
Pain & Gain, the new Michael Bay movie featuring Mark Walhberg, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, and Anthony Mackie as body builders turned criminals, with Miami as the backdrop for the film. I've been hyped to see this film for many reason one of which being that I'm tired of see Michael Bay blow shit up in the Transformers franchise .. I want to see him blow shit up in more original movies too. This movie also has a pretty small budget for a Michael Bay film of a around $25 million, making it the cheapest Michael Bay film since Bad Boy which a had a budget of around $18 million. This low budget might actually be a good thing, instead of a movie driven by explosions and CGI effects we should expect to see a more character and story driven film from Mr. Bay....but I really wouldn't hold my breathe hoping for that.
The school must assume it's going to be an all out fuck fest on open house days, but in all actuality nothing really happens. Now I'm not going to say that some people don't get their freak on, but for the most part nothing really happens.Honestly all that really happen is your "lady friend guest" comes to your room sits on your bed and watches you and your friends play 2K and listen to the Action Bronson mixtape. Basically on this day from 12-2 I get experience what real college is, In real college they don't give two shits and fuck who I have in my dorm room. But at 2:01 I'm quickly snapped back to the bleak reality that I'm not in real college....I'm at the boring, old fashion, close minded institution of high learning known as Oakwood University, a school who's mind set for the most part is stuck in the 1950's... Bullocks.
